Effective Communication With NLP & The Enneagram

I was having a drink with my friends recently and we kinda stumbled upon the topic of conversational differences between men and women. Here’s an interesting video illustrating the difference between how the two genders communicate.

The gist of it is that men prefer to go straight to the point. If nothing big happened, then there’s nothing worth mentioning. Women, on the other hand, do not require a major event to create a talking point. Of course, this is pretty much a generalisation and do not accurately reflect the communication style of every single man and woman out there.

Take a look at the video and let me know if you agree with it =)

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Here’s a pretty good video explaining how NLP can be relevant in our everyday communication. It focuses on how a same string of words can be interpreted differently by everyone. The speaker thus emphasises that it is important to clearly relate your intention to the other party and ensure that the meaning that is being received is exactly what you want to convey.

Are you a communication magnet?

Communication magnets are generally people whom others enjoy talking to. Somehow or other, there is something about these people that make others feel comfortable when conversing. They have an ability to make people feel comfortable, and confident about themselves, so opening up and talking becomes a very natural thing.

Here are some tips that anyone can use to become better communicators:

1. Show interest in others

Statistics have shown that one of the things that people enjoy talking about most is themselves. However, if everyone is only waiting for the chance to talk about themselves, then communication becomes a bore and nothing will come out of it.

So take the initiative and listen first. Become more interested in others, and others will usually be interested in you too. Show genuine interest and ask questions to reflect that, and listen to the information provided. This encourages the other party to speak more, and builds up rapport between the two of you.

2. Be well read and familiar with recent events

Being well read and familiar with recent events allow you to participate and offer opinions when the need arises. However, be careful not to dominate the conversation with your views only. Facilitate the conversation by asking for the opinion of the other party.

In the case of a group, you can encourage others to be a part of the conversation by volleying (Answering questions or making comments then adding a “return” question after that) and encouraging others to share and contribute. Remember, when you genuinely ask for the opinion of others, you make them feel important.

3. Be enthusiastic and use names

Being enthusiastic keeps the conversation lively and the usage of names allow others to feel appreciated. If you have difficulty remembering names, one easy method is to use the person’s name in the conversation. Simple approaches like mentioning the person’s name at the start of a question will allow yourself to have a deeper connection of the name to the face.

4. Pacing

Pace the other party’s body language, gestures, and speech. Make sure you’re not speaking too fast or too slowly for them. Use varied tone and mirror their gestures and posture in a very natural manner.

While there are a lot more tips to help you become a better communication magnet, these tips should get you off to a good start. Being aware of them and practicing them will allow you to become more comfortable and confident in conversations.

Do you have your own unique ideas to become a communication magnet? Share your ideas with the community by leaving your comments!

Twitter seems to be making huge waves on the impact of Online communication these days. Everywhere I go, it seems like everyone is Tweeting, where you post short messages of not more than 140 characters.

This micro blogging phenomenon is slowly gaining momentum in Singapore also. In the Singapore newspapers, there’s at least an article on Twitter every week. Are you on Twitter already?

I’ve included a short video from the Wall Street Journal digital network, where they interview some folks on their usage of Twitter.

In my previous post, I covered some tips on overcoming public speaking fears. Most of the tips are really used prior to presentation or speaking. Some of you have emailed me asking how I would answer tough questions during a training or presentation, so here are some ideas to get you started.

Preparation again

Once again, preparation is the key here. Put yourself in the shoes of the audience and think about the possible questions people may ask. You can also speak to close friends or family before your presentation and ask for their opinion, it may give you some valuable insight that you may have missed.

Based on my past experiences however, there is no way you can be 100% prepared for every single question thrown at you. However, it still beats going for a presentation without any information to back you up.

Giving answers based on referential experiences

Most of the time, you’ll get questions that you’re unprepared for. One way of answering such questions is to provide a calculated answer based on your experience. Many times when I conduct product trainings, I’ll receive questions that are hard to answer because of the untested technology.

So normally I’ll give them an answer by drawing on referential experiences. In addition, I’ll point out that the answer is based on referential experiences and I can only be absolutely sure after further tests. Do remember though, if you say you’ll get back to the audience with the confirmation, make sure you do it.

Parking lot

Sometimes, you may get questions that can be better answered later in the presentation or training because of other topics that you’ll be covering later. A good way to address this is to park the question. You can have a flip chart where you list down questions that you’ll answer later in the session, or at the end. This reassures the audience that they will receive an answer later.

Also, when you answer a question on the parking lot, strike it off. As you keep striking questions off, the visual effect creates an impression in the audience that they have no lingering doubts about the presentation.

What if you really have no answer?

If you really have no answer, look for one. As a presentator, it is your responsibility to ensure that your audience leaves with no unclarified doubts. You either search for an answer during breaks, or find the answer after the session and get back to your audience through email or other convenient ways.

So there you go, some tips on handling tough questions as requested by some of you. Do feel free to drop me other questions through the contact form or simply leave a comment =)