Effective Communication With NLP & The Enneagram

Here’s a pretty good video explaining how NLP can be relevant in our everyday communication. It focuses on how a same string of words can be interpreted differently by everyone. The speaker thus emphasises that it is important to clearly relate your intention to the other party and ensure that the meaning that is being received is exactly what you want to convey.

Although eye movements and usage of words are the more common ways of accessing a person’s Representational Systems, there are other accessing cues as well. The way we think will always show up somewhere in our behaviour.

For example, a visual person who is constructing images as they talk will then to speak faster and possibly at a higher pitch. This allows them to keep up with the images in their brain. In addition, their breathing will be more shallow, and their muscles will be more tensed.

Auditory people who think in sounds breathe more evenly over the chest area, unlike visuals who breathe higher up in their chests. Their tonality is often clear and expressive. Usually, their heads will be well balanced on the shoulders or tilted slightly, as if they are listening to something.

A feeling or kinesthetic person will breathe low in their stomach area, and have more relaxed muscles. Their heads tend to tilt down and their tonality is deeper, with pauses in their slightly slower speech. Those who talk to themselves are also likely to look down. Sometimes, they may lean their head on a side using their hands. For some, they even repeat what they just hear to themselves, so you might spot a bit of lip moving.

Of course, this is a general description of how other parts of our body will react according to the way we think. When you are observing others, it is always good to be flexible since we are not produced from a factory assembly line.

In my previous post on NLP Representational Systems, I mentioned about the preferences we have when processing information, and how that affects interpersonal communication.

The primary representational systems for most of us are Visual, Audio and Kinesthetic. There is a smaller number of people who might use Gustatory and Olfactory as their primary systems. Usually, these two are included in the kinesthetic sense, or serve as links to associated pictures or sounds.

A point to remember is that representational systems are not mutually exclusive. It is possible to recall a scene, and include the sounds and feelings simultaneously, though it is quite rare for three to be used together all the time. Most of us tend to have one or two representation systems that we prefer when thinking.

Also, it is possible to develop and improve. For example, a person who is mostly visual might have difficulty learning music initially. However, with practice, they can also develop the audio aspect of their representational systems.

Research have shown that people with similar representation systems tend to prefer similar choice of words, and build rapport faster. To put it simply, a visual person would tend to use more visual words, and so on.

Here are some examples

Visual

We share the same vision
I see what you mean
I see your point of view
Seems like a good idea
That’s a bright dress
I can’t picture that

Audio

We share the same frequency
Sounds like a good idea
Can I voice my opinion?
That’s a loud dress
That’s unheard of
Hear you loud and clear

Kinesthetic

Got a good feeling about this
Can’t quite put my hand on it
That’s a comfortable dress
Hang in there
What do you feel like having?
Feels like a cosy place

Auditory Digital (Refers to internal dialogue)

I think it’s a good idea
Doesn’t quite make sense
Let me ponder about it
What’s the logic behind it?

Do note that because of the influence of media and books, it is common for people to use phrases that might depict a certain representational system even though it is not their preferred one. The key here is consistency in their speech.

So the next time you talk to someone, notice the words they use. Or when they recall something, notice what comes to their mind first. This might give you an insight to their preferred representational system, and allow you to be more responsible for your interpersonal communication by using words that suits them.

Our interpersonal communication with others usually starts with our thoughts, resulting in words, tonality and body language. There are many ways to define “thoughts”, and one of them is how we use our senses internally.

We use our senses outwardly to perceive the world, and inwardly to represent experience to ourselves. When recalling experiences, such as a time you went to the beach, what appears in your mind first? Maybe a picture of the beach would appear. Perhaps you hear the sounds of the waves and children playing. Or the feeling of how relaxed you were just sitting by the sea.

Here’s another example. When you ask a group of students to describe their form teacher, you could get a variety of answers. One student might recall the hairstyle and dressing first, followed by the teacher’s voice, and how he or she feels about the teacher’s lessons.

Another might first recall that the teacher has a very deep and powerful voice, followed by how the teacher always makes the class feel interesting, and lastly, how the teacher looks.

This method of taking in and storing information in our minds, through our five senses (Seeing, hearing, feeling, taste and smell) is known as Representational Systems in NLP. Knowing that not everyone thinks in the same manner will improve our interpersonal communication skills significantly.

Here are the five sense and their corresponding systems:

Seeing – Visual

Hearing – Audio

Feeling – Kinesthetic

Taste – Gustatory

Smell – Olfactory

In my next post, I’ll cover ways for us to find out the dominant representational system of a person. Stay tuned!