1. Sweaty palms
2. Faster heart beat
3. “Butterflies” in their stomach
4. Inability to move away from their speaking position
5. Terror of looking at the audience
6. Total or partial memory loss (of the things they need to say)
7. And some others which i can’t think of now =P

It is common knowledge that even the most experienced of speakers may come across some form of nervousness or anxiety when speaking in front of a crowd, so having a fear of public speaking is actually normal. Of course, this limitation could hinder our progress, both in our careers and personal lives.

Here are some tips to help reduce the amount of nervousness during public speaking:

1. Preparation and Practice

Even top experienced speakers spend a decent amount of time preparing for their talks and speeches, this goes to show how important preparation can be. With a healthy amount of preparation and practice, you’ll be extremely familiar with the topic that you’re presenting. This familiarity gives you a certain level of comfort and puts you in a better state of mind to begin presenting.

One of the best ways to prepare yourself is to visualise yourself presenting. The more vivid and accurate your visualisation, the more effective it’ll be. Things like knowing the sequence of your slides or visual aids, the position you’ll stand, the layout of the venue, the number and sitting arrangement of the audience, the tone and volume of your voice, etc. will all add on to the effectiveness of your preparation.

2. Arrive early and start working

Arrive early at the venue to set up your equipments. Know the layout well – Information such as the best spot to stand, the way walk around the room, the view that your audience will be seeing, will be useful when you start presenting. More importantly, start working by building rapport with your audience.

Unless you’re a guest speaker who is allocated a slot in the middle of a program, you should be able to meet the audience before the start of the presentation. Use rapport building skills to get to know them, this will reduce the amount of anxiety when you look at them during presentation.

3. Breathe and pause when speaking

Before you can start thinking about using words that suit your audience better, you have to be able to speak with ease. One of the things I realise about nervous speakers is that they deprive themselves of the opportunity to breathe and pause.

Pausing is extremely useful because it allows you to breathe and compose yourself, look at the audience to see if they are following you, and think about the next point you want to talk about. (Occasionally, if you wish to crack a joke, a pause builds up the effect too).

Of course, with more experience, the amount of things that you can process in your mind during that short pause will increase too. When that happens, you know that you are making progress in public speaking.

So there you go. Some simple tips to help you ease the discomfort of public speaking. Give it a shot and let me know if it helps!

Very often, we are so caught up with the urgent stuff in life and we seek instant gratification for the things we do. As a result, we neglect to do the important things that will make a difference for ourselves in the long run.

Going for a run may not give instant results. However, do it on a regular basis and the rewards may slowly appear. Reading a book may not provide instant success. However, the knowledge that you learn and apply may eventually add greater value to your life, and perhaps even to the people around you.

So take a moment and ponder about it. What will you do today, that will matter tomorrow or in the long run?

“Anyone who doesn’t think that he or she is in an argument is probably in one”

In an argument, voices are bound to be raised. The thing is, once you raise your voice, it no longer becomes a difference in opinions. It becomes a a war of emotions. Raising your voice at anyone, especially in a tense situation where opinions differ, will only serve to trigger the defensive nature of the other party. When that happens, it becomes a matter of who is louder, rather than what is right.

So the next time you are in a situation where you have the urge to start raising your voice, Stop! Take a step back and breathe. Take in oxygen and allow yourself to think. Shouting will not get you anywhere (except maybe a sore throat and a trip to the doctor). So make a decision to work on the problem, not on emotions.

If the other party engages you in a shouting match, you have a choice – Would you want to join in and potentially cause more harm, or would you rather put it on hold till the tension is gone? Do you want to empower the situation, or yourself?

I was talking to a friend over the weekend about public speaking, and he told me, “There’s no way I can speak in front of a crowd. Just the thought of it scares me silly” So the conversation went on like this:

“What’s the size of the crowd you have in mind?”

“Maybe a few hundred? I see an auditorium full of people”

“Oh. What if you changed the scenario to a tiny classroom with four people?”

“Huh? Four people? That’s not public speaking right?”

I think many people have the same perception as my friend. When it comes to public speaking, the first thing that comes to mind is the thought of many many people. As far as I’m concerned, speaking to two others can be public speaking too. Over the years, I’ve helped many people improve on their public speaking skills, and the one thing that consistently gives them encouragement and assurance is the referential experience of having done it before.

So to speak to a crowd of a hundred without first having the experience of speaking to a crowd of say.. seventy, is like having to cook for a christmas dinner without first knowing how to cook instant noodles (Ok, that’s the best example I can come up with at this hour).

My point of saying all these is, if the thought of speaking in front of a large crowd scares you, then start small. Use that as a reference to acknowledge that you can handle a particular group size, then progressively move on to larger audiences. It is a slow and sure way of building up the confidence for speaking to large number of people.

One common scenario is when a person’s behaviour is being confused with his or her identity as a result of some limiting beliefs. An example of this could be, “I’m a slow learner”.

In this example, the individual views himself or herself as a slow learner because of experiences where more time was required to learn new things. Some ways to help loosen that self identity include asking questions such as:

• What did you learn that required more time than usual?
• What do you consider a fast learner?

Alternatively, you could reframe the content of the statement (Reframing is a very powerful NLP technique to help suggest new meanings to an experience or belief, and I’ll be posting stuffs about it in the future so stay tuned).

By agreeing with the person and changing the meaning of the statement, you can help redefine what was initially an identity label, into a skill, behaviour or feeling. Using the same example of “I’m a slow learner”, you could agree and reframe the content in this manner:

• I understand, there are definitely times when you feel that the rate of learning isn’t as fast as you would like. This will improve over time as you pick up new skills along the way.

Responding in this manner loosens the identity label, and imply that it is actually a feeling. It also allows the person to look at the issue from another angle, that he or she will pick up new skills with time and improve on their learning ability.

Here’s another example of confusing behaviour with identity, “I’m a shy person”

• Yes, I understand that there will be situations where you would feel shy, and it’s perfectly alright to take your time to feel comfortable in such situations.

This response also implies that it is a feeling, rather than an identity. In addition, it assumes that the person just wants to take a longer time to feel comfortable and confident.

When you are more aware of this common error due to limiting beliefs, you can help empower others when you notice that they are confusing behaviours with identity. More importantly, you can stop yourself from making the same errors.

]]> http://www.successwithcommunication.com/archives/109/feed 0 http://www.successwithcommunication.com/archives/9 http://www.successwithcommunication.com/archives/9#comments Sun, 01 Mar 2009 07:42:24 +0000 Joelseah http://www.joel-seah.com/?p=9 What has Effective Interpersonal Communication got to do with Personal Mastery? Well, for a start, I strongly believe that what we communicate is a reflection of ourselves. As we all know, communication is made up of verbal and non-verbal elements.

The verbal element is all about the words that come out of us, which is not too difficult as long as you have a good grasp of your language. However, being a master communicator isn’t all about the words you use. I’m sure many of us have come across people who made us feel that what they say isn’t really aligned with what they are.

That brings me to my point. Effective communication is made up of many things, the words we speak is obviously one of them. In addition, our body language, tone of voice, facial expressions, these are things which can be seen or heard on the surface.

Going deeper, our beliefs, our identity, our personality, our character all adds up to the way we communicate. And crucially, these are things that make up who we are. Things that cannot really be seen on the surface, yet constituting to a potentially greater aspect of the communication that comes out of us.

So there you go. In order to communicate effectively, we must first live effectively. This site is dedicated to sharing the strategies of effective interpersonal communication through mastery of ourselves.

I’ve trained in countries across Asia and interacted with people from diverse backgrounds and cultures, and one consistent thing i noticed is that many people don’t realise they have total control over self excellence. Very often, an individual is let down by his or her own limiting beliefs, and they wonder why they could never achieve success. Of course, success is defined differently by every one of us. Be honest with yourself, are you denying yourself greater success because of limiting beliefs?

Through my postings, I’ll be sharing skills that you can apply in work and personal life, that will enhance the way you communicate. So let us embark on our journey towards effective interpersonal communication through self excellence and mastery!

]]> http://www.successwithcommunication.com/archives/9/feed 0