Effective Communication With NLP & The Enneagram

Are you a communication magnet?

Communication magnets are generally people whom others enjoy talking to. Somehow or other, there is something about these people that make others feel comfortable when conversing. They have an ability to make people feel comfortable, and confident about themselves, so opening up and talking becomes a very natural thing.

Here are some tips that anyone can use to become better communicators:

1. Show interest in others

Statistics have shown that one of the things that people enjoy talking about most is themselves. However, if everyone is only waiting for the chance to talk about themselves, then communication becomes a bore and nothing will come out of it.

So take the initiative and listen first. Become more interested in others, and others will usually be interested in you too. Show genuine interest and ask questions to reflect that, and listen to the information provided. This encourages the other party to speak more, and builds up rapport between the two of you.

2. Be well read and familiar with recent events

Being well read and familiar with recent events allow you to participate and offer opinions when the need arises. However, be careful not to dominate the conversation with your views only. Facilitate the conversation by asking for the opinion of the other party.

In the case of a group, you can encourage others to be a part of the conversation by volleying (Answering questions or making comments then adding a “return” question after that) and encouraging others to share and contribute. Remember, when you genuinely ask for the opinion of others, you make them feel important.

3. Be enthusiastic and use names

Being enthusiastic keeps the conversation lively and the usage of names allow others to feel appreciated. If you have difficulty remembering names, one easy method is to use the person’s name in the conversation. Simple approaches like mentioning the person’s name at the start of a question will allow yourself to have a deeper connection of the name to the face.

4. Pacing

Pace the other party’s body language, gestures, and speech. Make sure you’re not speaking too fast or too slowly for them. Use varied tone and mirror their gestures and posture in a very natural manner.

While there are a lot more tips to help you become a better communication magnet, these tips should get you off to a good start. Being aware of them and practicing them will allow you to become more comfortable and confident in conversations.

Do you have your own unique ideas to become a communication magnet? Share your ideas with the community by leaving your comments!

According to the Book of Lists and some other statistics, the number one fear for most people is public speaking! People who have a fear of public speaking generally find themselves having

1. Sweaty palms
2. Faster heart beat
3. “Butterflies” in their stomach
4. Inability to move away from their speaking position
5. Terror of looking at the audience
6. Total or partial memory loss (of the things they need to say)
7. And some others which i can’t think of now =P

It is common knowledge that even the most experienced of speakers may come across some form of nervousness or anxiety when speaking in front of a crowd, so having a fear of public speaking is actually normal. Of course, this limitation could hinder our progress, both in our careers and personal lives.

Here are some tips to help reduce the amount of nervousness during public speaking:

1. Preparation and Practice

Even top experienced speakers spend a decent amount of time preparing for their talks and speeches, this goes to show how important preparation can be. With a healthy amount of preparation and practice, you’ll be extremely familiar with the topic that you’re presenting. This familiarity gives you a certain level of comfort and puts you in a better state of mind to begin presenting.

One of the best ways to prepare yourself is to visualise yourself presenting. The more vivid and accurate your visualisation, the more effective it’ll be. Things like knowing the sequence of your slides or visual aids, the position you’ll stand, the layout of the venue, the number and sitting arrangement of the audience, the tone and volume of your voice, etc. will all add on to the effectiveness of your preparation.

2. Arrive early and start working

Arrive early at the venue to set up your equipments. Know the layout well – Information such as the best spot to stand, the way walk around the room, the view that your audience will be seeing, will be useful when you start presenting. More importantly, start working by building rapport with your audience.

Unless you’re a guest speaker who is allocated a slot in the middle of a program, you should be able to meet the audience before the start of the presentation. Use rapport building skills to get to know them, this will reduce the amount of anxiety when you look at them during presentation.

3. Breathe and pause when speaking

Before you can start thinking about using words that suit your audience better, you have to be able to speak with ease. One of the things I realise about nervous speakers is that they deprive themselves of the opportunity to breathe and pause.

Pausing is extremely useful because it allows you to breathe and compose yourself, look at the audience to see if they are following you, and think about the next point you want to talk about. (Occasionally, if you wish to crack a joke, a pause builds up the effect too).

Of course, with more experience, the amount of things that you can process in your mind during that short pause will increase too. When that happens, you know that you are making progress in public speaking.

So there you go. Some simple tips to help you ease the discomfort of public speaking. Give it a shot and let me know if it helps!

Very often, we are so caught up with the urgent stuff in life and we seek instant gratification for the things we do. As a result, we neglect to do the important things that will make a difference for ourselves in the long run.

Going for a run may not give instant results. However, do it on a regular basis and the rewards may slowly appear. Reading a book may not provide instant success. However, the knowledge that you learn and apply may eventually add greater value to your life, and perhaps even to the people around you.

So take a moment and ponder about it. What will you do today, that will matter tomorrow or in the long run?

“Anyone who doesn’t think that he or she is in an argument is probably in one”

In an argument, voices are bound to be raised. The thing is, once you raise your voice, it no longer becomes a difference in opinions. It becomes a a war of emotions. Raising your voice at anyone, especially in a tense situation where opinions differ, will only serve to trigger the defensive nature of the other party. When that happens, it becomes a matter of who is louder, rather than what is right.

So the next time you are in a situation where you have the urge to start raising your voice, Stop! Take a step back and breathe. Take in oxygen and allow yourself to think. Shouting will not get you anywhere (except maybe a sore throat and a trip to the doctor). So make a decision to work on the problem, not on emotions.

If the other party engages you in a shouting match, you have a choice – Would you want to join in and potentially cause more harm, or would you rather put it on hold till the tension is gone? Do you want to empower the situation, or yourself?

Do you have a fear of public speaking? If you think you do, the next question to ask yourself is this: “What is the size of the crowd that appears in your mind when you think about public speaking?”

I was talking to a friend over the weekend about public speaking, and he told me, “There’s no way I can speak in front of a crowd. Just the thought of it scares me silly” So the conversation went on like this:

“What’s the size of the crowd you have in mind?”

“Maybe a few hundred? I see an auditorium full of people”

“Oh. What if you changed the scenario to a tiny classroom with four people?”

“Huh? Four people? That’s not public speaking right?”

I think many people have the same perception as my friend. When it comes to public speaking, the first thing that comes to mind is the thought of many many people. As far as I’m concerned, speaking to two others can be public speaking too. Over the years, I’ve helped many people improve on their public speaking skills, and the one thing that consistently gives them encouragement and assurance is the referential experience of having done it before.

So to speak to a crowd of a hundred without first having the experience of speaking to a crowd of say.. seventy, is like having to cook for a christmas dinner without first knowing how to cook instant noodles (Ok, that’s the best example I can come up with at this hour).

My point of saying all these is, if the thought of speaking in front of a large crowd scares you, then start small. Use that as a reference to acknowledge that you can handle a particular group size, then progressively move on to larger audiences. It is a slow and sure way of building up the confidence for speaking to large number of people.