Effective Communication With NLP & The Enneagram

A friend of mine read the post on choosing your reactions and asked, “How is it possible to tell myself i have a choice when something triggers me and I’m conditioned to react immediately?”

That is an interesting statement actually. First of all, it shows that the friend of mine knows her immediately reaction is due to conditioning. External factors have probably shaped her to react in a certain manner towards a certain stimulus. The reaction could be positive or negative, but the fact that she is aware of it means she can choose the way she wants to react.

A simple method to use is to introduce a lag time. I’m a person who generally prefer to process information before reacting (and thats why my friends say I can be lagging at times), unless it is in a situation such as sports, where heightened awareness is required and reactions need to be fast.

When we communicate in our everyday lives however, lag times can be extremely useful. Our mind is powerful enough to process quite a fair bit of information during those few seconds, and it can make a huge difference between reacting immediately and regretting your actions, or considering your choices and making the most appropriate one.

In anger management courses, we are told to take a few deep breaths when our fuse is about to blow. That’s all about giving yourself the luxury of a lag time to process your thoughts and weigh your options!

So the next time you find yourself in a situation where a stimulus is prompting or triggering a response from you, give yourself the luxury of a lag time. Take a few deep breaths and consider your choices. With practice, you’ll probably be fast enough to even understand the situation from different points of view, empowering yourself more.

Remember, when you are aware of your choices before choosing to react, you empower yourself!

The term Paradigm Shift was first introduced by Thomas Kuhn in his book, The Structure of Scientific Revolutions. Today, the word paradigm is commonly used to represent a thought pattern or perception, which in turn affects our attitudes and behaviours. Paradigm Shift in this sense means to change our limiting thoughts and perceptions.

The Map Is Not The Territory - A map is simply an explanation of how an actual territory is like. It lists details such as buildings and roads, however, the map is not the actual territory, it is just a representation.

Every one of us would agree that the illustration above makes sense. Some might even add that it is common sense. Now, if we stop to think about it, many of us are actually making the mistake of treating our map as THE territory. Allow me to draw some parallels here.

The territory here refers to the actual world out there, the world that goes on without our control. The map refers to our perception of the world. Every one uses a different map, depending on culture, society, upbringing, language, experiences, etc. In a nutshell, we perceive the world according to our maps, our realities. How i perceive a given situation may not be the same as you, and vice versa. Yet, how often have we treated our reality as the only reality?

For The World To Change, I Must First Change – This statement places you in an empowering state of mind by acknowledging that you are in control of your thoughts. The moment you change your perception, the world around you changes too.

In Stephen R. Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, he wrote about an experience he had in a train. A man and his kids boarded the train, and while his kids were yelling and throwing things around, he just sat there doing nothing. It was clear that everyone in the train was irritated, and when he couldn’t take it anymore, Covey turned to the man and asked if he could control his kids. The man apologised and explained that he was feeling at a loss because the kids’ mother died in hospital just an hour ago.

Imagine how his perception would have changed immediately, and how that change would have led him from a feeling of irritation to one of compassion. Bringing up this story is just to reinforce the idea that what we see and think may not be what it really is. We choose what we want to perceive as our reality. Being aware of this allows us to constantly place ourselves in an empowering state of mind, and make us better communicators!