Effective Communication With NLP & The Enneagram

Few days back, I was sharing with some friends on how our non verbal communication is actually more important than our verbal communication. One of them asked if I ignore the non verbal part and just focus on improving verbal communication, which three tips would I give.

Here’s what I told them:

1. Pace the other party

I would like to say speak slowly. However, the word pacing seems to be a more appropriate word in this situation. The reason for this is because not everyone would like a person who speaks slowly. If you are speaking to a kinesthetic person, it is likely he or she would prefer to slow down, since they occasionally access their feelings during a conversation. However, a visual person is likely to speak faster, since they think in images.

So pace yourself according to the other party, that is taking responsibility for the way you communicate, which is a crucial attitude in order to become an effective communicator.

2. Speak Clearly and Audibly

I don’t know about you guys, but I find it extremely difficult to understand people who mumble. The volume you speak in is very important too. I personally know of people who like to speak softly so that others will have to lean forward to hear them, thus creating the “attention” factor.

Well, there are better and more effective ways to get the attention of others. Match your volume to the environment you are in, and speak clearly. You’ll receive the correct attention in this manner.

3. Offer Compliments

Everyone loves compliments, and it doesn’t hurt to be more generous with yours. Of course, there is a difference between giving sincere compliments and outrightly faking it because you want others to like you. Show appreciation towards others by giving sincere compliments and you’ll find yourself building stronger rapport with people.

There you go, three tips on improving communication verbally. What do you think about them? Do you have any important verbal communication tips of your own?

Having said that, I must still add that one of the most important communication skills is not in talking, but listening. It doesn’t help if you have strong verbal communication skills, and you can’t listen. I’ll post some tips on active listening soon, so stay tuned!

The Type Four is also known as the individualist. This doesn’t mean that a Type Four is a self centred individual. What is means instead is that they are very in touch with their own feelings, and enjoy expressing themselves through creative or unique outlets.

Type Fours have a need to be special or different. In fact, they often view themselves as being the odd one out in a group. They belong to the feeling triad. Unlike the Two who over expresses feelings or the Three who is out of touch with feelings, Type Fours under expresses their feelings.

What this means is that they don’t express their feelings openly. They choose to do it through other means such as art work, music, cooking, writing or performing. They can be very expressive people, though it may not in a verbal sense. Type Fours have a withdrawn energy, usually choosing to stay away from crowds so as to protect their fragile feelings and self image.

There’s usually plenty of emotions in a Four, and they have a tendency to embrace bitter sweet memories too. This is quite an interesting aspect of Type Fours because on one hand, they feel that they have gone through hurt and unpleasantness. Yet on the other, they can see the sweet memories in all these.

They also have a tendency to live in a fantasy of what is missing, though when they do get it eventually, they usually feel that reality is not as sweet as the fantasy itself. For some of them, the sweetest love is the one that they can never get.

Do you think you are a Type Four? Or do you already know that you are a Type Four? What do you think about the accuracy of this short description?

The Type Three is known as the achiever. They have a need to succeed in life, and they measure their success based on goals and tasks completed, and sometimes the image they portray.

Type Threes are feeling based people. However, they are often out of touch with their feelings. What this means is that they normally choose not to talk about their emotions with people. Instead, they prefer to be doing things and achieving objectives.

They are also assertive in energy, and this results in them being aggressive in competition and pursuit of their goals. They are usually outspoken and interact with people well.

They view themselves as accomplished and dynamic, and constantly pursue achievements because they crave for recognition. To many Threes, they feel that others will not accept them for who they are, and it is only through achievements will they feel that they are accepted. This results in Threes becoming very goal and task oriented.

Type Threes are also fond of good looking things. It is not surprising to find them dressed in flashy or colourful clothes, or drive around in beautiful cars. To them, looking good is as important as being good. It’s no point being successful when others cannot tell. Which is why they are never shy to talk about their talents or achievements and you might even see their trophies and awards displayed proudly in their houses.

Do you think you are a Type Three? Or do you already know that you are a Type Three? What do you think about the accuracy of this short description?

The Type Two is also commonly known as the helper. They have a very strong tendency to put the needs of others before themselves, and this might be due to the fact that they have a need to feel needed or wanted. Twos generally enjoy the feeling of being indispensable. Of course, this need can result in healthy or unhealthy attributes.

Type Twos are feeling based people, and they generally over express their feelings. What this means is that they are more open with their feelings as compared to the other types in the feeling triads, and the openness of feelings can be seen in the way they would reach out to help people. They have a compliant energy as well, complying with their ideals of helping people, and being selfless and loving.

They see themselves as being helpful, thoughtful and approachable, though sometimes, they may irritate others when they try too hard to help, coming across as being too nosey. You can usually count on a Type Two to be supportive and contribute without complain.

However, it is important to show appreciation whenever you receive help from them. Type Twos have a tendency to feel that they will only receive after they give and deep down, many of them give so much because they look forward to the receiving. A simple thank you to show appreciation is usually enough to keep them happy.

Do you think you are a Type Two? Or do you already know that you are a Type Two? What do you think about the accuracy of this short description?

The Type One is commonly known as the perfectionist. Being a perfectionist, Type Ones have a need to do things right. For them, everything is clear. It is either right, or wrong. Black or white. They would almost never accept anything in the middle, which is why they seldom praise or commend people until the job is finished, and done well.

Type Ones are very instinct driven, though they have an under expressed aggression in them. What this means is that they have a lot of suppressed anger. They feel angry at things, yet they choose not to show their anger. It could be due to their ideals that being angry is wrong, so they rather not show their anger.

Type Ones have a very compliant energy. They are compliant towards their ideals, which usually refer to the need to do things right. As a result, they tend to view themselves as rational and principled.

They also find it easy to pay attention to details, which may or may not be a good thing because it often results in them taking things too seriously. Because of their beliefs that there is usually only one correct way of doing things, it could result in conflicts because they simply refuse to relax until things are done well, while their peers may be willing to accept something lesser.

Thus, you could hear a Type One say things like, “I’m my own worst critic”, because they often are. The pressure that they place on themselves may propel them to achieve great things. However, if they are unable to handle the pressure they place on themselves, they may transfer it to the surrounding, becoming critical towards others instead.

Do you think you are a Type One? Or do you already know that you are a Type One? What do you think about the accuracy of this short description?