Effective Communication With NLP & The Enneagram

Are you a communication magnet?

Communication magnets are generally people whom others enjoy talking to. Somehow or other, there is something about these people that make others feel comfortable when conversing. They have an ability to make people feel comfortable, and confident about themselves, so opening up and talking becomes a very natural thing.

Here are some tips that anyone can use to become better communicators:

1. Show interest in others

Statistics have shown that one of the things that people enjoy talking about most is themselves. However, if everyone is only waiting for the chance to talk about themselves, then communication becomes a bore and nothing will come out of it.

So take the initiative and listen first. Become more interested in others, and others will usually be interested in you too. Show genuine interest and ask questions to reflect that, and listen to the information provided. This encourages the other party to speak more, and builds up rapport between the two of you.

2. Be well read and familiar with recent events

Being well read and familiar with recent events allow you to participate and offer opinions when the need arises. However, be careful not to dominate the conversation with your views only. Facilitate the conversation by asking for the opinion of the other party.

In the case of a group, you can encourage others to be a part of the conversation by volleying (Answering questions or making comments then adding a “return” question after that) and encouraging others to share and contribute. Remember, when you genuinely ask for the opinion of others, you make them feel important.

3. Be enthusiastic and use names

Being enthusiastic keeps the conversation lively and the usage of names allow others to feel appreciated. If you have difficulty remembering names, one easy method is to use the person’s name in the conversation. Simple approaches like mentioning the person’s name at the start of a question will allow yourself to have a deeper connection of the name to the face.

4. Pacing

Pace the other party’s body language, gestures, and speech. Make sure you’re not speaking too fast or too slowly for them. Use varied tone and mirror their gestures and posture in a very natural manner.

While there are a lot more tips to help you become a better communication magnet, these tips should get you off to a good start. Being aware of them and practicing them will allow you to become more comfortable and confident in conversations.

Do you have your own unique ideas to become a communication magnet? Share your ideas with the community by leaving your comments!

Twitter seems to be making huge waves on the impact of Online communication these days. Everywhere I go, it seems like everyone is Tweeting, where you post short messages of not more than 140 characters.

This micro blogging phenomenon is slowly gaining momentum in Singapore also. In the Singapore newspapers, there’s at least an article on Twitter every week. Are you on Twitter already?

I’ve included a short video from the Wall Street Journal digital network, where they interview some folks on their usage of Twitter.

In my previous post, I covered some tips on overcoming public speaking fears. Most of the tips are really used prior to presentation or speaking. Some of you have emailed me asking how I would answer tough questions during a training or presentation, so here are some ideas to get you started.

Preparation again

Once again, preparation is the key here. Put yourself in the shoes of the audience and think about the possible questions people may ask. You can also speak to close friends or family before your presentation and ask for their opinion, it may give you some valuable insight that you may have missed.

Based on my past experiences however, there is no way you can be 100% prepared for every single question thrown at you. However, it still beats going for a presentation without any information to back you up.

Giving answers based on referential experiences

Most of the time, you’ll get questions that you’re unprepared for. One way of answering such questions is to provide a calculated answer based on your experience. Many times when I conduct product trainings, I’ll receive questions that are hard to answer because of the untested technology.

So normally I’ll give them an answer by drawing on referential experiences. In addition, I’ll point out that the answer is based on referential experiences and I can only be absolutely sure after further tests. Do remember though, if you say you’ll get back to the audience with the confirmation, make sure you do it.

Parking lot

Sometimes, you may get questions that can be better answered later in the presentation or training because of other topics that you’ll be covering later. A good way to address this is to park the question. You can have a flip chart where you list down questions that you’ll answer later in the session, or at the end. This reassures the audience that they will receive an answer later.

Also, when you answer a question on the parking lot, strike it off. As you keep striking questions off, the visual effect creates an impression in the audience that they have no lingering doubts about the presentation.

What if you really have no answer?

If you really have no answer, look for one. As a presentator, it is your responsibility to ensure that your audience leaves with no unclarified doubts. You either search for an answer during breaks, or find the answer after the session and get back to your audience through email or other convenient ways.

So there you go, some tips on handling tough questions as requested by some of you. Do feel free to drop me other questions through the contact form or simply leave a comment =)

According to the Book of Lists and some other statistics, the number one fear for most people is public speaking! People who have a fear of public speaking generally find themselves having

1. Sweaty palms
2. Faster heart beat
3. “Butterflies” in their stomach
4. Inability to move away from their speaking position
5. Terror of looking at the audience
6. Total or partial memory loss (of the things they need to say)
7. And some others which i can’t think of now =P

It is common knowledge that even the most experienced of speakers may come across some form of nervousness or anxiety when speaking in front of a crowd, so having a fear of public speaking is actually normal. Of course, this limitation could hinder our progress, both in our careers and personal lives.

Here are some tips to help reduce the amount of nervousness during public speaking:

1. Preparation and Practice

Even top experienced speakers spend a decent amount of time preparing for their talks and speeches, this goes to show how important preparation can be. With a healthy amount of preparation and practice, you’ll be extremely familiar with the topic that you’re presenting. This familiarity gives you a certain level of comfort and puts you in a better state of mind to begin presenting.

One of the best ways to prepare yourself is to visualise yourself presenting. The more vivid and accurate your visualisation, the more effective it’ll be. Things like knowing the sequence of your slides or visual aids, the position you’ll stand, the layout of the venue, the number and sitting arrangement of the audience, the tone and volume of your voice, etc. will all add on to the effectiveness of your preparation.

2. Arrive early and start working

Arrive early at the venue to set up your equipments. Know the layout well – Information such as the best spot to stand, the way walk around the room, the view that your audience will be seeing, will be useful when you start presenting. More importantly, start working by building rapport with your audience.

Unless you’re a guest speaker who is allocated a slot in the middle of a program, you should be able to meet the audience before the start of the presentation. Use rapport building skills to get to know them, this will reduce the amount of anxiety when you look at them during presentation.

3. Breathe and pause when speaking

Before you can start thinking about using words that suit your audience better, you have to be able to speak with ease. One of the things I realise about nervous speakers is that they deprive themselves of the opportunity to breathe and pause.

Pausing is extremely useful because it allows you to breathe and compose yourself, look at the audience to see if they are following you, and think about the next point you want to talk about. (Occasionally, if you wish to crack a joke, a pause builds up the effect too).

Of course, with more experience, the amount of things that you can process in your mind during that short pause will increase too. When that happens, you know that you are making progress in public speaking.

So there you go. Some simple tips to help you ease the discomfort of public speaking. Give it a shot and let me know if it helps!

Listening is one of the most underrated aspect of Effective Communication Skills. If we are honest with ourselves, we’ll probably agree that it requires mammoth effort to be listening 100% of the time. Occasionally, we’ll have thoughts crossing our minds, we could also be thinking of what to say next, or perhaps just distracted by things taking place in the surroundings.

Yet when we speak, we expect (or at least hope) that the other party would pay attention to what we’re saying. To understand how to be a better listener, it may help by first understanding the different forms of listening.

Competitive Listening

Competitive listening takes place when we are more interested to voice our opinion or thoughts instead of really listening to the content of another person. Under such circumstances, we’re probably waiting for an opportunity to speak, or coming up with rebuttals in our minds when something is being said.

Passive Listening

We hear the words that are spoken, though the message that is being interpreted may be totally different from the intended one. The problem with this form of listening is the lack of feedback, or verification. So the listener hears the message, interpretes it in his or her own way, and just accepts the message as it is. Of course, this may potentially lead to misunderstandings.

Active Listening

Active listening refers to the process where we are really interested in hearing what the other party is saying. We could also imagine ourselves in the shoes of the speaker to get more empathy. Some key elements of active listening include signs to show that we’re listening (such as nodding of head and eye contact), and feedback (which means restating or paraphrasing of our understanding and clarifying things).

Needless to say, active listening is the stage that we should aim to be at. To find out more about listening skills and how you can become a more effective communicator, do check out the ebook on Successful Communication with NLP and Enneagram.