Effective Communication With NLP & The Enneagram

Very often, we are so caught up with the urgent stuff in life and we seek instant gratification for the things we do. As a result, we neglect to do the important things that will make a difference for ourselves in the long run.

Going for a run may not give instant results. However, do it on a regular basis and the rewards may slowly appear. Reading a book may not provide instant success. However, the knowledge that you learn and apply may eventually add greater value to your life, and perhaps even to the people around you.

So take a moment and ponder about it. What will you do today, that will matter tomorrow or in the long run?

Very often, when we set a goal for ourselves and strive to achieve it, challenges will start appearing to test our determination and commitment. I’m quite sure you would have faced such situations before:

Just when you decided to keep yourself fit by going for a run in the morning, it rains the next day. Or how about the time when you decided you should start saving money for a year end holiday and you see your favourite shop having a sale in the papers one week later?

Now despite all these challenges and inconveniences, I’ve also realised that when we make a commitment to ourselves and give our fullest effort, things can happen. So the next time you set a goal for yourself and challenges appear,  hang in there. Continue to put in your fullest effort and very often when you least expect it, results start appearing.

Do you have a fear of public speaking? If you think you do, the next question to ask yourself is this: “What is the size of the crowd that appears in your mind when you think about public speaking?”

I was talking to a friend over the weekend about public speaking, and he told me, “There’s no way I can speak in front of a crowd. Just the thought of it scares me silly” So the conversation went on like this:

“What’s the size of the crowd you have in mind?”

“Maybe a few hundred? I see an auditorium full of people”

“Oh. What if you changed the scenario to a tiny classroom with four people?”

“Huh? Four people? That’s not public speaking right?”

I think many people have the same perception as my friend. When it comes to public speaking, the first thing that comes to mind is the thought of many many people. As far as I’m concerned, speaking to two others can be public speaking too. Over the years, I’ve helped many people improve on their public speaking skills, and the one thing that consistently gives them encouragement and assurance is the referential experience of having done it before.

So to speak to a crowd of a hundred without first having the experience of speaking to a crowd of say.. seventy, is like having to cook for a christmas dinner without first knowing how to cook instant noodles (Ok, that’s the best example I can come up with at this hour).

My point of saying all these is, if the thought of speaking in front of a large crowd scares you, then start small. Use that as a reference to acknowledge that you can handle a particular group size, then progressively move on to larger audiences. It is a slow and sure way of building up the confidence for speaking to large number of people.

How often have we been limited by our doubts, resulting in a reality that is less than what we could have achieved?

Two of the first self improvement books i read were Follow Your Heart and Being a Happy Teen by Andrew Matthews. These two rank among my favourite books, and i still talk about them in some of my trainings.

A chapter in Being A Happy Teen talks about how important it is to always give our best in what we do. Even if we do not succeed, we still feel a sense of happiness for giving our all. When you give your best, people can feel it, and they will appreciate it.

One story i remember fondly in the book talks about how, at the Sydney Olympics in 2000, the world was brought to its feet by someone who totally personified the Olympic spirit. Eric Moussambani swam for Equatorial Guinea in the 100 meters event. The thing is, Eric has never seen an Olympic swimming pool before. He trains in a little hotel pool when there are no guests around.

During the heats, the other two competitors were disqualified for false starts, so Eric swam against the clock himself. It was the first time Eric had ever swum in a 100 meters race, and he was struggling to finish even the first lap! In the second lap, he was nearly drowning!

But Eric refused to give up, and fought with everything he could give. As he struggled his way back, the noise in the arena was deafening! With every stroke, the noise got louder. Some spectators were crying, some were praying, some could not even bear to watch. When Eric finally hit the wall, he brought the roof down!

Eric clocked a time of 1 minute 52 seconds, probably one of the slowest times in Olympic history. But did anyone care? No! He became a hero in everybody’s heart. Just by giving his best!

I’m sure many of us had such an experience before. When you were touched by the determination and courage of individuals, and couldn’t help but root for them. Of course, you might think to yourself, “But that’s the Olympics.. I’m just swimming in a small school meet”.

Well hey, do your best in a school meet, and someone will spot you and you might one day swim in the Olympics as well. Make it a point to give your best, however small scale it may be, and it’ll lead to the bigger stage.

Are you giving your best?

Very often in my trainings, i come across individuals who are not willing to give their best for various reasons. Here are some of the common ones,

“”The customers don’t deserve it” – If you think about it clearly, the customers don’t suffer because of the lack of effort. Usually the one who ends up on the losing end is the staff. A lot is at stake here. Morale, Reputation, Self Worth, Career, etc.

“I’ll put in more effort if my salary increases” – This is an interesting statement, because if I’m the boss, I’ll be looking at it the other way round. “I’ll increase your salary, when you put in more effort”.

“Nobody recognises my work, why should i work so hard?” – How do you know? You never know who is observing your work. And if you’re in customer service, you never know who your customer really is, and the potential opportunities that could be coming your way.

Of course, I’m not saying we should give our best because of secondary gains. The bottom line is, it is important to give our best because it builds up our character. Always giving our best builds up the respect for ourselves. We live our life with integrity and self worth, and results will show eventually.