Effective Communication With NLP & The Enneagram » Interpersonal Communication

Dating And Communication

Joelseah — Tue, 21 Dec 2010 03:36:27 +0000

Haven’t been active on this blog for ages. I’m posting again today to introduce a brand new dating and matchmaking service for singles in Singapore known as LoveStory.sg.

LoveStory.sg is an idea that was conceived by some friends of mine, and looks like it has the potential to boost the dating industry in Singapore. For a start, it’s the first singles dating and matchmaking service in Singapore that combines online social networking with offline dating and events!

Of course, what has dating got to do with a communication blog, you may ask? Simple. A large number of singles take part in dating and matchmaking events, only to freeze when they find someone they fancy.

One key reason for this common scenario is because of a lack of communication skills, or in this context, dating communication skills. LoveStory.sg has a blog that shares dating tips, and you don’t have to be a member to visit it.

Of course, the membership is still generally meant for Singaporeans since it’s a Singapore dating service that works closely with the related authorities.

Getting curious? The website will be starting it’s beta launch soon, but you can visit www.lovestory.sg and access the blog for latest dating tips now.

Take Note Of These When Speaking

Joelseah — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 11:01:45 +0000

Part of effective communication involves the controlling of your voice. Very often, we tend to think that voice projection or control is only required during public speeches or presentation.

Well, to a certain extent, it can be useful in our everyday conversations as well. For a start, you’ll probably have difficulty talking to someone who mumbles all the time right?

Anyway, here are three things you can take note of when speaking, both in public and in private:

1. Volume
If you are speaking to a crowd. It is important that everyone is able to hear you. Always do a check at the start of a presentation, and occasionally follow up to make sure you’re not getting softer unknowingly.

When talking to someone in a normal conversation, speak at a comfortable volume so that it is neither too loud, nor too soft.

2. Tempo
There’s not really a correct tempo to follow. Tempo of course refers to how fast or how slow you speak. Generally, the trick is to go a little slower when you’re addressing a large audience, especially if you are speaking to them for the first time.

The reason for this is because not everyone may be proficient in the language you are speaking in. Also, the topic you are talking about may be new to them and thus, they need time to process the words you say.

If you are talking to someone on a one to one basis, then the key is to pace that person. If he or she speaks fast, then it’s alright to go slightly faster too.

3. Pauses
Pauses are a fantastic way to make your presentations more effective. Yet, it is also a technique that many people don’t use. One reason is because of anxiety when speaking in front of people. As a result, the heart beats faster, the person speaks faster, and the pauses are forgotten.

Make a conscious effort to pause. It helps you think about the next thing to say, and also allows the audience to digest your earlier statements. At times, it creates an anticipation effect too.

Practice the above tips in your everyday conversations and presentations, and you’ll find yourself becoming more confident. It is time to take that next step towards becoming a better communicator!

Check out this resource to discover more tactics that Top Professional Speakers use to effortlessly win audiences over. Learn more tips to Step Up And Speak!

The Power Of “How” Questions

Joelseah — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 13:12:19 +0000

Have you ever had situations where you felt that you couldn’t achieve something? Or perhaps a friend of yours was lacking in motivation and felt that they wouldn’t be able to complete a task?

How do you normally handle such situations? How do you empower yourself or your friends, and bring them from a “limitation state” into an empowered state?

One of the quickest way is to use “How Questions”. How questions allow you to turn people around easily. When faced with challenges, we usually think of limitations and things that we can’t do. This is normal, and very human.

So for example, a friend of yours tells you there is no way he or she would be able to complete the marathon you’ve both signed up for. Instead of just encouraging by saying things like “Of course you can!” or “I’m sure you can do it”, empower that person by asking “How can you start training up for the marathon?”

This puts the person in a state of mind where he or she must now think of actions to take, in order to be ready for the marathon.

Likewise, if someone were to say “I’m not confident enough to speak in front of people”, you can empower that person by asking “How can you start to be relaxed about public speaking?”

So there you go. Start using statements that shift your mind towards possibilities instead of limitations, and increase your influence!

Smiling Enhances The Way We Communicate

Joelseah — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 06:19:53 +0000

When someone gives you a smile, what is the most natural response you would give?

I hope you said a smile too because researches have shown that smiling is contagious and we would very naturally return a smile with one as well. Smiling is an important part of communication, both in our personal lives, as well as our workplace. In fact, smiling is one of the most powerful elements of non verbal communication.

Smiling allows you to overcome barriers and open doors to new opportunities. So it’s good to smile all the time. However, there will be situations where you don’t feel like smiling. Perhaps you are feeling lethargic after a hard day’s work, or maybe you encountered something unpleasant.

Well, the good news is that our body is wired to our mind. So by changing either your physical or emotional state, you can still generate a smile.

Physical state – When you are in a lethargic physical state, such as slouching or slumping into the chair, your mind reacts by going into the same state too.

Of course, this means you can get into an empowered state simply by changing your physiology. Sit or walk straight, chest up, and put your lips together. Lift up the ends into a smiling shape, feel your eyes twinkle, and you’ll find your mood improving naturally.

Emotional state – This is essentially also the mental state because happiness is all in our minds. If we want to be happy, we will be happy.

So when you’re finding it difficult to smile, think happy thoughts. Think about the time you went to the beach, the waves and the cool breeze on you. Think about a joke you heard, a loved one, or something nice that happened to you. The moment you put yourself into a calm and happier state of mind, smiling becomes easy. So there you go. Start smiling more today, and reap the benefits that come along. Also, smiling makes you more approachable, and increases your influence!

Small Talk Vs Big Talk

Joelseah — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 06:11:57 +0000

I was having a drink with my friends recently and we kinda stumbled upon the topic of conversational differences between men and women. Here’s an interesting video illustrating the difference between how the two genders communicate.

The gist of it is that men prefer to go straight to the point. If nothing big happened, then there’s nothing worth mentioning. Women, on the other hand, do not require a major event to create a talking point. Of course, this is pretty much a generalisation and do not accurately reflect the communication style of every single man and woman out there.

Take a look at the video and let me know if you agree with it =)

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NLP In Communication

Joelseah — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 08:26:54 +0000

Here’s a pretty good video explaining how NLP can be relevant in our everyday communication. It focuses on how a same string of words can be interpreted differently by everyone. The speaker thus emphasises that it is important to clearly relate your intention to the other party and ensure that the meaning that is being received is exactly what you want to convey.

The Twitter Phenomenon

Joelseah — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 09:51:11 +0000

Twitter seems to be making huge waves on the impact of Online communication these days. Everywhere I go, it seems like everyone is Tweeting, where you post short messages of not more than 140 characters.

This micro blogging phenomenon is slowly gaining momentum in Singapore also. In the Singapore newspapers, there’s at least an article on Twitter every week. Are you on Twitter already?

I’ve included a short video from the Wall Street Journal digital network, where they interview some folks on their usage of Twitter.

Handling Tough Questions

Joelseah — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 08:12:46 +0000

In my previous post, I covered some tips on overcoming public speaking fears. Most of the tips are really used prior to presentation or speaking. Some of you have emailed me asking how I would answer tough questions during a training or presentation, so here are some ideas to get you started.

Preparation again

Once again, preparation is the key here. Put yourself in the shoes of the audience and think about the possible questions people may ask. You can also speak to close friends or family before your presentation and ask for their opinion, it may give you some valuable insight that you may have missed.

Based on my past experiences however, there is no way you can be 100% prepared for every single question thrown at you. However, it still beats going for a presentation without any information to back you up.

Giving answers based on referential experiences

Most of the time, you’ll get questions that you’re unprepared for. One way of answering such questions is to provide a calculated answer based on your experience. Many times when I conduct product trainings, I’ll receive questions that are hard to answer because of the untested technology.

So normally I’ll give them an answer by drawing on referential experiences. In addition, I’ll point out that the answer is based on referential experiences and I can only be absolutely sure after further tests. Do remember though, if you say you’ll get back to the audience with the confirmation, make sure you do it.

Parking lot

Sometimes, you may get questions that can be better answered later in the presentation or training because of other topics that you’ll be covering later. A good way to address this is to park the question. You can have a flip chart where you list down questions that you’ll answer later in the session, or at the end. This reassures the audience that they will receive an answer later.

Also, when you answer a question on the parking lot, strike it off. As you keep striking questions off, the visual effect creates an impression in the audience that they have no lingering doubts about the presentation.

What if you really have no answer?

If you really have no answer, look for one. As a presentator, it is your responsibility to ensure that your audience leaves with no unclarified doubts. You either search for an answer during breaks, or find the answer after the session and get back to your audience through email or other convenient ways.

So there you go, some tips on handling tough questions as requested by some of you. Do feel free to drop me other questions through the contact form or simply leave a comment =)

Tips To Overcome Public Speaking Fears

Joelseah — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 06:33:41 +0000

According to the Book of Lists and some other statistics, the number one fear for most people is public speaking! People who have a fear of public speaking generally find themselves having

1. Sweaty palms
2. Faster heart beat
3. “Butterflies” in their stomach
4. Inability to move away from their speaking position
5. Terror of looking at the audience
6. Total or partial memory loss (of the things they need to say)
7. And some others which i can’t think of now =P

It is common knowledge that even the most experienced of speakers may come across some form of nervousness or anxiety when speaking in front of a crowd, so having a fear of public speaking is actually normal. Of course, this limitation could hinder our progress, both in our careers and personal lives.

Here are some tips to help reduce the amount of nervousness during public speaking:

1. Preparation and Practice

Even top experienced speakers spend a decent amount of time preparing for their talks and speeches, this goes to show how important preparation can be. With a healthy amount of preparation and practice, you’ll be extremely familiar with the topic that you’re presenting. This familiarity gives you a certain level of comfort and puts you in a better state of mind to begin presenting.

One of the best ways to prepare yourself is to visualise yourself presenting. The more vivid and accurate your visualisation, the more effective it’ll be. Things like knowing the sequence of your slides or visual aids, the position you’ll stand, the layout of the venue, the number and sitting arrangement of the audience, the tone and volume of your voice, etc. will all add on to the effectiveness of your preparation.

2. Arrive early and start working

Arrive early at the venue to set up your equipments. Know the layout well – Information such as the best spot to stand, the way walk around the room, the view that your audience will be seeing, will be useful when you start presenting. More importantly, start working by building rapport with your audience.

Unless you’re a guest speaker who is allocated a slot in the middle of a program, you should be able to meet the audience before the start of the presentation. Use rapport building skills to get to know them, this will reduce the amount of anxiety when you look at them during presentation.

3. Breathe and pause when speaking

Before you can start thinking about using words that suit your audience better, you have to be able to speak with ease. One of the things I realise about nervous speakers is that they deprive themselves of the opportunity to breathe and pause.

Pausing is extremely useful because it allows you to breathe and compose yourself, look at the audience to see if they are following you, and think about the next point you want to talk about. (Occasionally, if you wish to crack a joke, a pause builds up the effect too).

Of course, with more experience, the amount of things that you can process in your mind during that short pause will increase too. When that happens, you know that you are making progress in public speaking.

So there you go. Some simple tips to help you ease the discomfort of public speaking. Give it a shot and let me know if it helps!

Negotiation Skills Video

Joelseah — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 05:22:48 +0000

Here’s an interesting video on Negotiation techniques. Negotiation is something that many of us find difficult for various reasons. Some may be shy in asking for more benefits, some feel that they have to give more before they can ask for something in return, some are plain dominant and just want something without giving, and so on.

In this video, the speaker emphasises that dialogue is key in establishing a balance between relationship and results. We want results and maintain relationship at the same time. So the way we communicate what we want, and what we can offer, is crucial. Check out the part where they discuss about the various ways to phrase your sentences during a negotiation process.