Effective Communication With NLP & The Enneagram

As mentioned in my earlier post Paradigm Shift, every one of us uses a different map to view the world. As a result of that, the way we process our thoughts into words would differ as well.

Very often, when we talk to others, we use words that make sense to us. We also phrase our sentences in a manner that reflect our reality and beliefs. In NLP, this is known as deep structure, where a speaker have a full and complete idea of what he or she wishes to say. The thing is, this deep structure is not conscious.

From deep structure to surface structure, where we actually say what we are thinking, three things would usually occur unconsciously. Firstly, we generalise. It’s almost impossible to find someone who would specify every possible exceptions and conditions in a normal everyday conversation.

Secondly, we select some of the information available, and leave out the rest. This is known as deletion. And lastly, we simplify the structure of what we want to say, and inevitably distort the meaning of our thoughts.

Here are some common examples

Generalisation: Words such as always, never, all, every, no one.

• He is always late for work (Always? Has he been on time at least once?)

• Good things never happen to me (Never?)

• All students from that school are naughty (All students? Is there at least one good student?)

Deletion: Something is left out of the statement, such as a person, a thing, a reason, an unclear comparison.

• I have bad memory (Who said that? Were you born like this? Has it got to do with the method?)

• That’s silly (What is silly? In what way is it silly?)

• This route is better (Compared to what?)

• That is a bad school (In what way is it bad?)

Distortion: Linking two statements to mean the same thing, presupposing, attempting to read the mind of others.

• She’s not smiling, therefore she’s not enjoying herself (How does not smiling mean she’s not enjoying?)

• Why don’t you smile more? (I don’t smile enough? How much more is enough for you?)

• I could tell she did not like her present (How could you tell?)

Knowing how generalisation, deletion, and distortion can cause ambiguities in our interpersonal communication allows us to be more aware of what we say. At the same time, it allows us to be conscious and aware of what others are saying to us.

This awareness can empower us, and also allow us to empower others, especially if you are receiving information during a conversation. The other party could be generalising, deleting and distorting their sentences because of past experiences or limiting beliefs, and a question or rephrase from you could help them significantly.